Gettin’ Gritty With It
Welcome to Day 4, where we get to do what Otis Redding said and “try a little tenderness.” Our lives are constantly in flux, after all, and the only real constant is change, so it’s up to us to learn how to ebb and flow with these changes– to ride the wave with care and joy. Research has shown that one of the main predictors of success is this term called “grit,” or the determination to see things through, believe in your abilities, and not give up. In my experience, however, the “grittiest” people also seem to have the most capacity for self-compassion and self-forgiveness.
When it comes to our relationship with food and body, those who struggle the most often struggle with an underdeveloped sense of self compassion as well. In my work, I see this more frequently with my female, gender nonconforming, and non-white patients than I do with my heterosexual, white male patients. But why? The truth is that some bodies - and some existences in general - are disproportionately judged. If you’ve been taught to “quiet” your existence in some way, or that not conforming to a particular society’s preferred “normal” would risk your access to love, then you may find yourself having difficulty accessing compassion for yourself.
There are three main components to practicing self-compassion:
Expressing love and acceptance towards yourself daily and most especially in times of difficulty
Using loving awareness and your breath to bring your awareness inward when times are challenging, and doing so without judgment.
Extending this love and acceptance towards others, understanding that everyone goes through difficult situations.
Practicing self-compassion is a radical act of activism; in fact, I love to think of it, and teach it just like that! It’s a way to show the world that no matter what their opinions of you might be, your love for yourself will not be diminished. What an incredible gift! When you start with compassion for yourself, you believe you are capable of extending compassion to others, and when you believe you are capable of that, who knows what else you might be able to do? Now that right there is some grit.
Self-compassion is gritty. Believe it, trust it, and do it every day.
Today’s Activity:
Guided “Loving Kindness” Meditation
Practicing the “Stop and Breathe” Method
“ Bring awareness to your body.
If you ever find yourself feeling anxious, stressed, nervous, fidgity. Stop. put your feet on the ground.
Close your eyes.
Keeping your mouth closed, take a nice deep belly breathe in. Hold it at the peak of your breath. Then slowly exhale out through your nose. Once your heart rate comes down, proclaim two or three verbal affirmations aloud. These can be things like “I am capable” “I am worthy” or
“Thank you for this lesson. I hear you.”
Then open your eyes and notice how your body shifted. If you need to repeat this again, do it. If you need to repeat it more than once throughout your day, do that. Silence and calm help you to better understand what you actually need rather than reacting or making a frantic decision.
You know what you need. Just stop, breathe and listen.
