The Ties That Bind (and some that need to break)
Did you know that your relationship to food – and to your body – began even before you left the womb? We’ve been influenced by the people in our lives ever since our DNA was imprinted onto our cells. As we grow up, we also gather and collect information about food – whether accurate or not – from the environment we live in, and the people we live in it with. Family, close friends, teachers, neighbors— we learn from each other, and we pass on what we’ve learned to those who come after us.
Our families are at the center of the development of our relationship to food. After all, we eat every day, and most often (especially as children), we eat in the company of members of our family. Since food is a focal point of many family dynamics and social settings, it can be a symbol of togetherness, shared experiences and love, but it can also be an easy catch-all for teasing, judgment and ridicule. The desire to feel loved and accepted is at the core of everything that we do, and if you grew up in a family where there were negative thoughts or behavior around food, you may have found yourself carrying on some of that shame and guilt into your adult years. It may not have been intentional, or even recognized in your family at the time, but in order for you to best address your current mindset around food and your body, we need to look at where it all got started.
Families play a big role in influencing how much we eat, and whether we are taught to bypass our own body’s hunger cues.
For example, “Finish your plate or you don’t get dessert” might teach you to eat too much or too quickly. “Don’t you want to be in the ‘clean plate club’?” could make you stressed that you won’t live up to a loved one’s standards, even if that loved one’s intentions were only to get you to eat. Oftentimes, we can even pinpoint a specific moment in time when we first felt shame around our bodies, or when food became the alleged enemy blocking us from the love and acceptance we so deeply crave. The way our families talk about food can impact how we view food, too. If your Mom always talked about how desserts make her fat, you might begin to feel shame about yourself for eating desserts. If your family praised thinness, you might feel shame around eating proper amounts of food.
It’s important to recognize these patterns from your past, whether they were positive or negative, so that we can address them and move forward with confidence and kindness. Be gentle on yourself today, and send loving kindness to the people you come from too; every influence in your life has the potential to teach you something useful. Open your courageous heart. You’ve got this. See you tomorrow.
To dive deeper into this topic, read this blog!
Today’s Activity
Let’s reflect on our relationships:
When I was a kid, my family _____ [supported, discouraged, bypassed] my relationship to food.
What was I taught about food as a child? Who provided me food? Who did I eat with most often?
In what ways was I taught (or not taught) to listen to my body?
Was my body respected by others in my family?
How do the impacts of my family still affect my eating today?
“ Our relationship to food and eating is intimate, and it has developed and evolved since before we were even born! In order to make effective and lasting nutrition changes, we must first explore our emotional connections, aversions, and triggers around food.
— Murphy's Wellness Law (#7
