Fostering a Nourishing Relationship with Food
Feb 6, 2022
Fostering a Nourishing Relationship with Food
We need food to survive. We will likely interact with and eat food every day of our lives (with few exceptions) until we die. Whether we like it or not right now, food is going to be around as long as we are. So it seems that working to create a love-centered, nurturing and beneficial relationship with food is a worthy investment of time and energy. It is, after all, a relationship: food with us, and us with food. It can either be a sacred and supportive relationship or it can be the source of stress, anxiety and shame.
Unless you are a straight, affluent or able-bodied white man, chances are, you have been criticized, judged and/or demonized based on your body at some point in your life. The human body has, for centuries, been used as collateral for the perpetuation of power by abusive, small-minded people (most often men). We have seen this time and time again through slavery and racism, through misogyny and the sexualization of the female body, homophobia and transphobia, as well as discrimination based on disability and/or financial status.
Judgments and criticisms of the human body are built into every ounce of our lives. Through marketing and advertising campaigns that stigmatize weight and encourage the idealization of certain, small body types. Through television and movies that we watch that glorify specific types of beauty and body size. Through product campaigns that encourage weight loss or certain physiques that, again, encourage one specific type of person.
And as we grapple with our bodies and whether or not we fit into these societal and cultural depictions of “acceptable beauty,” it makes sense that we blame food or feel frustrated by food’s involvement in the whole process. Food is, after all, the easiest target of our upset and hurt over externally originated shame that has turned inward. We not only hate food for making it harder for us to fit into certain unrealistic body types, but we feel guilty that we need it, and we feel shame that we keep using it to comfort us (which is a natural thing to do, by the way).
And so, here we are at a crossroads with food. Is it possible to turn this relationship into a supportive and nourishing one rather than a toxic, stress-inducing daily experience? Part of this journey requires a courageous deep dive into our self-worth and self-efficacy. Because at the end of the day, any shame or discontent you feel about your own body originated from of the fear and projected self-hatred of other people that has been misdirected to you. You are exactly as you are supposed to be. Anything other than that fact should not your burden to bear. And what a radical act of self-liberation and self-love to reclaim food as a supportive friend, and your body as your sacred home worthy of happiness and joy, unconditionally.
I’m here to tell you that regardless of your past, regardless of where you find yourself in this moment today, you are worthy of unconditional support with food and your unique body is deserving of uncontained happiness and goodness.
Fostering a more nourishing relationship with food is not going to be an overnight shift. With so much unwinding to do, it will require regular, consistent and persistent effort that will, at times, feel very challenging. But investing time and energy into your relationship with food – and as a result of your body too – you will begin to make decisions about food that come from your own feelings, desires, cravings and needs, as opposed to external rules or ideals. This is incredibly freeing.
So how can we begin this process? How can we take that baby step today to start cultivating a more balanced and supportive relationship with food? Here are some good places to start:
1. Give yourself permission to eat. Whatever it is you’ve chosen to eat, allow yourself to have it. Restriction in any way produces anxiety, perpetuates shame and also muddies our ability to know what’s best for us. Take a moment before eating and let yourself know it’s ok. You’re allowed to care for yourself and your needs with food.
2. Give food your time. So many of us are so busy that don’t carve out the time and space to eat. As with any relationship (family, romantic or otherwise), you have to invest some time with it. You cannot foster a relationship with anyone or anything that you don’t give time to. Even if it’s just 5 minutes, focus on what you’re eating and taste your food. Feel it in your hands, taste the flavors, feel the textures, smell the scents. Allow yourself to experience it. If this is challenging for you due to past food traumas, start with non-trigger foods, and reach out to your healthcare partner to help guide you if you need extra support.
3. Focus on adding to your meals rather than taking away from them. Again, restriction does not foster health, not physically nor emotionally. Instead of taking things out of your meals, try finding ways to add to it instead. If you’re having pizza for dinner, maybe see if there is a way to add a vegetable you like to it, or have a side of fruit with it. Focus on putting in, not taking away.
4. Thank your food, or at least acknowledge it. Healthy relationships thrive off of mutual respect. The same is true about food. Take a moment before you eat (again, regardless of what it is you’re eat) to thank the people that helped to get the food to you, and also for the food for nourishing your body or your emotions or your soul.
5. Don’t judge others, just like you don’t want to be judged either. Let’s all agree that there is no place for external people in an intimate relationship. And unhealthy food ideals and body stigmas are perpetuated by others. Don’t let this be you to another person. Someone else’s relationship with food is their own. Another person’s body is also their own. You are not perfect, nor are they, so stay out of the judgement of other people, just as you’d prefer others to stay out of yours. A person’s body is not up for debate, and their decisions and needs around food aren’t either.